With the good people down at Worthy Farm almost ready to open the hallowed gates to Glastonbury, it’s nearly time to get very, very excited – and prepare yourself, too, for some imminent line-up-based frustration.
With so much going on across the vast festival site at any one point, you’re going to have to make some tough decisions. Is one of your favourite bands playing on The Park Stage at the same time the “Legends Slot” is taking place on the Pyramid Stage? Sorry, you can only choose one. Ditto if you’re hoping to see two artists who have been inexplicably booked to perform at the same time on Woodsies and the West Holts Stage respectively – it’s near-impossible to see both, so one’s gotta go.
One way to ease your way through this scheduling frustration is by planning who you want to see in advance, and we here at NME want to help you through this difficult time. These are the most agonising set clashes of Glastonbury 2023.
Friday
Royal Blood vs Fred again..
When: 8:15pm, Pyramid Stage vs 8:30pm, Other Stage
Chances are that Mike Kerr and Ben Thatcher won’t have as much trouble drumming up enthusiasm from the Glastonbury crowd as they did at BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend last month, especially given that Royal Blood are playing second fiddle to Arctic Monkeys on the Pyramid Stage. But while the chance to see the duo’s attempt to wrestle back control of their narrative with a Pyramid Stage performance to remember will be tempting, at the same time producer and DJ of the moment Fred again.. will be providing the perfect entrée for those Glasto-goers who want to party all night long – and he might even bring a special guest or two out, too.
Kelis vs Wizkid
When: 10:15pm, West Holts Stage vs 10:30pm, Other Stage
Spare a thought for both of these artists, who will each be competing for Glastonbury’s attention at the same time as Arctic Monkeys will embark on their third Pyramid Stage headline set. If AM aren’t your bag, though, you’ll likely be heading in the direction of either Kelis – think the timeless likes of ‘Milkshake’, ‘Millionaire’ and ‘Trick Me’ – or Afrobeats superstar Wizkid, who sold out three nights at The O2 in 2021 in under 15 minutes.
The Churnups vs TBA
When: 6:15pm, Pyramid Stage vs 7:30pm, Woodsies
We all love a Glastonbury secret set. There are currently 29 ‘TBA’ slots on the full Glastonbury schedule, many of which won’t be revealed until the day itself. One major TBA set is due to take place on Woodsies at 7:30pm on Friday, which means that you’ll need to make an executive decision on whether you head there in time to get a good spot for whoever may be playing, or if you instead plonk yourself in front of the Pyramid Stage 75 minutes earlier for The Churnups. Who are The Churnups, we hear you ask? Well: it could be Pulp, it could be Blur, it could be Foo Fighters (it’s pointing the Foos way right now). But given that The Churnups won’t exit the stage until 7:30pm, you’ll be very much up against it when it comes to making it through the thick Pyramid crowd and over to Woodsies in time to see TBA playing their greatest hits. Pick one!
Saturday
Jockstrap vs The Murder Capital
When: 3:15pm, The Park Stage vs 3:15pm, Woodsies
Saturday afternoon will see recent NME Radar favourites Jockstrap and Dublin five-piece The Murder Capital go head-to-head, with the two bands taking to their respective stages at 3:15pm. Who do you go for, then: Jockstrap’s “unique, unpredictable brand of pop”, as NME so described it earlier this year, or The Murder Capital, who turned in one of 2023’s “great guitar albums” back in January with ‘Gigi’s Recovery’? It’s a toughie.
Rina Sawayama vs Central Cee
When: 9pm, Woodsies vs 8:45pm, Other Stage
Two solo artists, now, who are each making their Glastonbury debut at the 2023 festival at, er, nearly the exact same time: 15 minutes after Central Cee hits the Other Stage on Saturday night, Rina Sawayama will descend on Woodsies. Both sets are certain to be big on energy and crowd size (particularly as Guns N’ Roses‘ headline Pyramid set at 9:30pm probably won’t be everyone’s cup of tea), but remember: you can only choose one.
Lana Del Rey vs Christine and The Queens
When: 10:30pm, Other Stage vs 10:30pm, Woodsies
A very similar scenario will then play out on the same two stages 90 minutes later, with Lana Del Rey and Christine and the Queens headlining the Other Stage and Woodsies respectively. Del Rey will be performing at Glasto for the first time since her 2014 Worthy Farm debut, while Chris will be making his third Worthy Farm appearance in support of his recently released fourth studio album ‘PARANOÏA, ANGELS, TRUE LOVE’. Still not up for a bit of ‘Welcome To The Jungle’? Lana or Chris will welcome you with open arms.
Sunday
Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul vs Black Country, New Road
When: 2:00pm, The Park Stage vs 2:00pm, West Holts Stage
Glastonbury 2023’s final day features further frustrating set clashes, beginning with the 2pm battle between Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul and Black Country, New Road. While you can be sure that the vibrant cuts from Adigéry and Pupul’s ‘Topical Dancer’ will help you shake off that last-day fatigue, BC,NR’s West Holts set will likely be a moving – and rather quite busy – moment in the festival’s story this year.
Thundercat vs The War On Drugs
When: 7:45pm, The Park Stage vs 7:45pm, Other Stage
There are few better festival experiences than sitting/standing/lying down in a grassy field with a cold drink in hand as The War On Drugs hazily soundtrack a beautiful summer’s evening. But then there are few more engaging performers around than the multi-talented and always wonderfully whimsical Thundercat and his six-string bass guitar. Don’t ask us to choose between these two – that’s up to you.
Phoenix vs Queens Of The Stone Age vs Alt-J
When: 9:30pm, Woodsies vs 9:45pm, Other Stage vs 9:15pm, The Park Stage
Not up for being a part of the Rocketman’s big send-off over on the Pyramid Stage? That’s fine: there’s plenty of other non-Elton John options available on Glastonbury’s final night. You’re spoilt for choice when it comes to guitar bands: Phoenix will headline the final night at Woodsies, QOTSA will close the Other Stage and Alt-J will sway their way to Glastonbury’s close on The Park Stage. The choice, though – as it will be all weekend long – is entirely in your hands.