Forget Doctor Who, The Grinch or even Muppets Christmas Carol – the best Christmas telly of the season came from a documentary about a boyband you’d likely forgotten about. Bros (pronounced ‘Bross’, rather than ‘Broes’, as modern wisdom might suggest) stormed to the top of this season’s must-see list with Bros: After The Screaming Stops, a documentary about the brotherly pop duo’s 2017 London O2 Arena show, dubbed by the boys themselves as “pop’s biggest ever reunion”.
Famous for ‘When Will I Be Famous’ and a string of hits in the late ’80s, Bros’ career was as short-lived as it was spectacular. But with After The Screaming Stops, they might finally have found the key to longevity. Part Spinal Tap, part The Office, part Alan Partridge (and even, at points, somewhat poignant), it became a sleeper hit on BBC iPlayer after its BBC Four screening on December 23rd.
At its heart are the two brothers themselves, Matt and Luke Goss, former (and often current) warring factions, who spend the majority of the film trying to stave off squabbles as a huge reunion show at London’s The O2 approaches. Most brilliant of all, though, are the quotes the pair come out with: half philosophical, half complete nonsense, 100 percent entertaining. We’ve rounded up the very best below.
On the classics
“Rome wasn’t built in a day. And fuck me that’s true… But we don’t have the time Rome had.” – Matt Goss
On childhood
“The best toy we had growing up was a dart. No dart board, just a dart.” – Matt Goss
On everyday heroes
“One of my songs is called ‘We’re All Kings’. Which is about a man sweeping the road – he’s one of my kings because I’m thankful I don’t have to sweep the road.” – Matt Goss
On home
“The letters H.O.M.E. are so important because they personify the word home.” – Matt Goss
The Bros documentary is still my favourite thing on TV this Christmas. The whole thing is a meme mine. pic.twitter.com/W3Q6tERraG
— Richard Littler (@richard_littler) December 26, 2018
On relaxation
“This is my cave area. I have crystals everywhere. Love a bit of chess, have a few glasses of scotch, have a long game of chess.” – Matt Goss
On the media
“I’m obsessed with the news, it ironically relaxes me, if I don’t see the news, I don’t feel informed, then I can’t go about my day properly. CNN is the thinking man’s reality show.” – Matt Goss
On London
“I’m a Londoner. Embankment. Big Ben. Cab drivers.” – Luke Goss
On the ancient game of conkers
“Please can we start a petition as Bros for this ridiculous thing where you can’t even play conkers, you have to wear goggles. That is the biggest problem…You can’t play conkers in England.” – Matt Goss
If you can please watch the Bros documentary. I can not recommend it highly enough. You cannot lose. Love Bros and you will love it. Hate Bros and you might love it even more. pic.twitter.com/S7i6HQCDis
— Raymond (@raubrey) December 26, 2018
On superstition
“I made a conscious decision because of Stevie Wonder not to be superstitious.” – Matt Goss
On linguistics
“Epitome, which I believe is Latin for abstract.” – Matt Goss
On creating
“When I’m writing songs I write so fast it’s just scribbles. But we have unique telepathy – you have to have telepathy to keep up with me, because there’s maybe a hundred tracks of backing vocals and it’s all me. We call it The Matt Goss-pel Choir.” – Matt Goss
Is the Bros doc on BBC 4 getting a DVD release? If so, everyone is getting this real-life Spinal Tap for Christmas next year. pic.twitter.com/0mEJrmheKC
— Brooke Theis (@Brooke_Theis) December 27, 2018
On philosophy
“I think hindsight is the philosophy of fools.You learn nothing in some way, because sometimes you have to do the same again.” – Matt Goss
On teamwork
“Everyone has to be on the same page otherwise you don’t get to turn the page. Because somebody gets left behind otherwise and then somebody has lost the page of the story which may be the key to the ending.” – Matt Goss
On geometry
“I was a rectangle and [Luke] was a rectangle and we made a square that became a fortress.” – Matt Goss
On worlds colliding
“If there was ever 15 one way streets and one solitary two way street where me and my brother got to meet in the middle – you helped [us] find that one street. We’ve met in the middle. Two worlds definitely collided. When two worlds collide, two things happen: Destruction or the genesis of new beginnings, and you created water on a new planet, mate.” – Matt Goss