Theresa May’s flagship Tory party conference speech needed to be miraculously good in order to paper over the cracks of a week filled with tension, backstabbing and uncertainty. Just before the Conservatives’ get-together started, Boris Johnson outlined his own personal Brexit preferences in an interview with a tabloid. As the conference kicked off, unremarkable speeches were met with empty seats and really awkward backstage photos. And just when the Prime Minister needed to deliver a defiant, shut-up-and-put-up speech, the complete opposite happened.
It’s cruel to pin someone’s failure down to a coughing fit. But if we only had a few huffing, hacks and wheezes to talk about, May would have escaped unfazed. The thing is, everything else that could have possibly gone wrong did. And not a way anyone could have predicted.
It didn’t start well. May was handed a P45 and given her marching orders
Prankster Lee Nelson was at it again today this time handing Theresa May a P45 during her cough speech…?pic.twitter.com/kD64eGn9O7
— BenchWarmers (@BeWarmers) October 4, 2017
The prankster’s P45, found by May’s lectern pic.twitter.com/RNVcqY9jXj
— Robert Peston (@Peston) October 4, 2017
Comedian / “prankster” Lee Nelson was responsible for this attention-grabbing exploit (remember when he invaded Kanye West’s Glastonbury set? Yeah, that guy…).
In fairness, May didn’t handle the P45 situation too badly. She grabbed the slip of paper, crumpled it up, and tried to get on with her speech, even as Nelson gave a big thumbs up to Boris. It could have been a lot worse. She might have fled in fear, or worse, picked up a papercut.
But then the coughing fit happened
.@Theresa_May struggles to get through her party conference speech after having a coughing fit #CPC17 pic.twitter.com/5suiMlnYif
— Sky News (@SkyNews) October 4, 2017
Which, again, it’s coughing. It can’t really be helped. All of us have coughed at an awkward time: during an exam, midway through a presentation, reading wedding vows. It happens. Philip Hammond gave her a cough sweet, she made a joke about the Chancellor “giving something away for free”, and attempted to continue.
But then the F fell off
The moment a letter falls off the sign behind Theresa May pic.twitter.com/Nw32A77KUB
— The Telegraph (@Telegraph) October 4, 2017
This can be marked as the official turning point when her speech went from ‘quite bad’ to ‘a complete fucking disaster’.
The Internet is a cruel place. There were thousands of trigger-happy commenters waiting to turn one standout clanger from this speech into a meme. And then this happens.
Cue a hundred jokes about how everyone wanted her to “F Off”
Tory Party Conference literally telling @theresa_may to F off ? pic.twitter.com/MhPSqVcLhT
— Jeremy Corbyn for PM (@JeremyCorbyn4PM) October 4, 2017
https://twitter.com/spookworm1/status/915559925190971394
https://twitter.com/mutablejoe/status/915548800659464192
And oh fucking hell, it all went wrong
Even more letters have fallen victim since my last report. pic.twitter.com/iUXA0BOHzi
— Owen Jones? (@OwenJones84) October 4, 2017
Someone should have ordered a stronger, more stable backdrop. The wheels were officially coming off.
By this point, it was a lost cause, and everyone knew it
Here's the senior members of the cabinet watching the conclusion of Theresa May's speech at #CPC17 pic.twitter.com/dxGz0cu5U4
— Guardian politics (@GdnPolitics) October 4, 2017
Boris was reminded he needed to stand and clap
Amber Rudd telling Boris Johnson to stand for May pic.twitter.com/VGYeb5CroR
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) October 4, 2017
And this guy had to remind himself
When you get caught not concentrating and then have to over-compensate pic.twitter.com/McKsO8szpa
— Mark Smith (@marksmithstuff) October 4, 2017
All things considered, was it the most disastrous speech by a party leader ever?
Theresa May heckled, then a cough that almost stopped her delivering her speech. Then her set starting falling apart: The F fell off. pic.twitter.com/8gl5wNmLVQ
— Siraj Datoo (@dats) October 4, 2017
Theresa May's speech: a stage invasion, an awkward coughing fit and the 'F' fell off the sign. This is truly like a sitcom.
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) October 4, 2017
https://twitter.com/JamesLiamCook/status/915540525725442048
*coughs* pic.twitter.com/1b6CoW5Mrz
— Theresa May (@theresa_may) October 4, 2017
Just when May desperately needed a show of strength and unity, even inanimate objects were working against her. This was a nightmare even the most cruel Thick of It script writer couldn’t dream up.